Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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