I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
