Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
