That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
