it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
