This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
