I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
