sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Someone signed my nipple.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
