he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
