we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
