Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
