Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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