your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
