im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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