You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
