I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
