He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
