just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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