ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
