I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
