i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just gargled with NyQuil
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I party with great urgency now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
