Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
