This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
