Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
