I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
