I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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