she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
