did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
