My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize