My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
