my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize