my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
