my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
