I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
