She is in my trunk
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
