Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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