mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The air was thick with penises
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
