He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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