am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
