He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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