So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
