He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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