Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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