his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
