she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
