Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
