All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
