Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
