omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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