just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
