i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
