my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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