Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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