She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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