so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
