at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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