so explain again why im purple
no
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
