I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
