I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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