he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
