So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize