can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I touched a dick in church today
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
