i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
