I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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